I haven’t updated anything personal on here for so long so I thought today would be a good chance! G & his brother have gone to work & I finally get upstairs all to myself. (I hate it when people may be reading over my shoulder ugh)
So I’ve been in Brisbane for over a month & a half and everything is going well. I volunteer part time at a womens disability service and absolutely love it (although it has its ups & downs). Gage is now a manager at his workplace and is doing his best to finally save some cash - I think he has high hopes of a new car sometime in the short term future. I haven’t looked for paying work just yet because I’m waiting to see what happens with tafe and what my time table will look like. The last thing I want is to be overwhelmed by commitments.
I haven’t updated my “365 Journal” because honestly, I got lazy. Yet, I still consider starting again any week now. I also have high hopes of being accepted into a lifeline telephone counselling course by next week. This will be another commitment for me but it’s something I’d love to do. I just want to get my foot in the door of my career. I want to start young and succeed by my 30s. is this way too much?
I think I’m gonna miss my mum :(
& all my friends :(
brisbane, you better be fucking worth it.
Have you ever wanted to redecorate your bedroom but lacked the time, money and creativity? Yeah, me too. Every year I probably got the great idea of redecorating my bedroom to make it more “me”, but it never happened. BUT this time, I’m conifident that it’s going to happen - one way or another.
When we move to Brisbane we’ll be using G’s old bedroom. It’s not much bigger than the one we have now, but the shape is certainly more unique. I’m pretty certain the carpet in his room is a hideous high school navy colour - which really upsets my ideas of wanting a nice, white bedroom. You know that ideal bedroom you only see in IKEA magazines? Yep ! I want to make it happen. Not only will this help me settle in easier, I’ll be able to define my own comfort zone in which I share with my lover which is suitable for both of us.
I want a magical ambience. I want something that is neat, tidy - something that reminds you of somewhere other than your own boring room. My Idea? well, plenty of candles (scented), white bed sheets with nice cushions, lanterns/fairy lights and some beautiful lamps ontop of white bedside tables. I think I’m living in an expensive fantasy land, but it’s always nice to dream.
Within the past week or two, numerous calls, texts and messages have come through from friends and relatives about ‘catching up’ before we make our big trip to Brisbane. It’s reached the point where I have to unfortunately turn down offers to see people, simply because they decided to wait til the very last week to say anything. Even though it’s in my best intentions to see every single one of them before I go, I just can’t. I don’t time to pack my things, let alone see people I never talk to. At some point I’m seeing two people a day just to make it happen. It may not seem like a lot but when you’re doing it everyday, it’s exhausting (yet somewhat comforting knowing they care about me enough to say goodbye one last time).
The rainy weather has been discouraging my high hopes of an idyllic arrival to our new place. This really isn’t how I want to remember my last days in Sydney, and first days in Brisbane.
Well enough procrastinating, it’s time for me to finally write everything I’ve been meaning to say and I shouldn’t allow myself to hold back on this any longer. I’ve reached a pivotal point in my insignificant existence that will possibly make or break my future path in life and deep down inside, it’s really emotionally conflicting for me. It’s head vs heart and I just don’t know.
In less than a month, I pack up and leave. Gone.
I’ll commence a new life interstate with my boyfriend. I have high hopes of finding a job as soon as possible and enrolling in tafe to continue my studies. I’ll be living with his family, a family much bigger than my own, who hardly know me at all. I’ll be leaving Sydney for a new adventure, whether it’s voluntary or involuntary, I still haven’t decided.
I’ve established some beautiful memories here in Sydney that will forever remain just as wonderful as the day they were created. Everything I own will end up in cardboard boxes and suitcases, but the memories I have are something I’ll hold alot closer than any possesion.
Why am I moving? I’m moving for the sake of my relationship, it’s inevitable. My boyfriend dropped his life to move to Sydney for me, & now it’s my turn to return the sacrifice. I believe in being fair, and to me this qualifies. Whether this move is temporary or permanent, I’m bound to discover something new about myself along the way. If I end up coming back to Sydney, I don’t think I’ll be coming back with the love of my life - it just wouldn’t be fair on him.
Sydney has made our relationship flourish and bloom, yet, has also put more strain of us than I felt I could handle at times. Here’s the truth for all you lovely new couples out there. You may not fight, argue or disagree NOW but you will. And that’s perfectly okay. It means you love each other enough to try mend the broken.
I’m going to miss all of the people I’ve gotten to know here in Sydney. In all honesty, I’ll probably cry myself to sleep for a few weeks after my depature, hoping that one day my friends will magically appear at my doorstep to tell me it’s all okay and that they’d all be coming with me. My friends defined me and made me who I am today - I owe them more than my heart.
I’ll be giving up a lot when I move. My privacy, my time to be alone, my mother, my friends and all my knowledge of everything I’ve become accustomed to. I’ll become overly dependent on everyone in Brisbane, particularly my boyfriend. I don’t have my own transport, so I’ll have to be driven everywhere - which makes me feel pretty pathetic not knowing how to get to the local shopping centre by myself. Or maybe the fact I won’t be able to get up & go places without someone accompanying me. I’ve been an only child my whole life and never had the pleasure of sharing my secrets and childhood with a beautiful sister - but that’s okay, because I’ve got many amazing friends that will support and love me, even if this is the worst mistake of my life. I’ve got a wonderful boyfriend who will hopefully prove to me that I’ll be okay, even if I’m 1000km from home.
About a week ago, my voice trembled as I told my manager I had to leave my job to persue a dream that I don’t know if I have anymore. I prayed to my non existent god that she wouldn’t fire me, because I’ve become so attached to everyone, including her, at my workplace and it hurt more than anything to think I had to give that up. Her eyes teared up as she hugged me and gave me advice that I’ve heard a million times before… “If you never try, you’ll never know”. She’s right, and this is what I have to do. A new step, a new adventure.
So maybe it’s time I opened my mind and heart to a new idea that extends further than the Sydney suburbs I’ve grown to know & love (and sometimes hate) more than ever.
My only gaurantee is that when the sun finally sets over my new house in Brisbane, my heart will always ache to be home in Sydney.
I’m feeling exceptionally good right now. Usually I’ll have days where I just worry and stress, but today I feel okay.
I’m 99% sure I got the job at Sugarfix! Thanks to an inside friend who works there ;D letting me know I’m already on the roster weeks from today, which is great. I need money and experience. Plus, more of a routine & social life wouldn’t hurt.
My boyfriends birthday is coming up in October & I have this need to make sure it’s extremely special since we decided we won’t be traveling interstate to visit his family for this occasion (simply cos we’re broke and even the money I do get would go towards either flights OR fuel.) ANYWAY, so I’ve started plotting some great ideas & I’m pretty excited. I was thinking maybe lunch at Hurricanes and a double pass to some of the awesome places in Sydney and then stay in a hotel that night.
I felt so damn good I even finished an assignment & started my required readings for my next term (which is a month away, mind you).
I have also made a vow to keep in contact with my friends more. Cos I love them. And I’m weird. and I need them.
In less than 12 hours we’ll be back on the road up to Brisbane. We’re going to try do it in one day this time.
I also got called for a trial this thursday but I wouldn’t be here. I need a job so bad I wasn’t going to refuse, I’d just have to cancel my trip. But thankfully the manager was kind enough to delay the trial until I return. I’m very lucky. For some reason, that wouldn’t normally happen for me. Sometimes you can’t do more than hope for the best but expect the worst in some circumstances.
I’m eager to be as far away from Sydney as possible, yet again. We don’t have the money to fly so a 12 hour drive is our only option. Sitting in the car for 12 hours isn’t any better than sitting at home waiting for something interesting to enter my life. it’s usually the same questions. “Do you have a job? What do you do all the time?”. I go to college and the rest of the time is me time. Their questions make me want to just fade away into an awkward social recluse, but I don’t. I know my future is important and my own anxieties drive my determination to live a comfortable life 5 years from now.
I’m desperate to pick a final date of departure from this place, but no date seems fitted. I want to spend my 19th surrounded by long term friends in a place I’m so familiar with, but something says to me I shouldn’t leave the comfort zone. No matter how much I loathe it.
I’ve made plan after plan after how to get where I want to be. What I have to study. For how long. How much. Where to Live. What to gain & what to lose. Will I still get a lucky break in 6 months from now?
Life, please be good to me.
Honestly, how do some people manage to get their license when they can’t drive, follow basic road rules or even use their fucking brain?
If you live anywhere in the proximity of Sydney, you’ll realise there are alot of morons who shouldn’t be on the roads (let alone living in this fucking state), that don’t have half a fucking brain. They can’t indicate. They can’t acknowledge THAT IT’S NOT OKAY TO MERGE. and they all seem to get really upset when people can’t maneuver around their fucking stupidity. Driving in this place seems to be a nightmare.
I’ve lived in Sydney a majority of my life (including when I was much younger for quite a few years) then returning when I was 10 (right up until now). Obviously it’s a big city with alot of opportunities for everyone. And unfortunately for everyone, they’re all fucken brain dead drivers.
Since my boyfriend has been here (less than a year), we’ve already had one accident and many close encounters. It’s literally become uncomfortable to be in a car knowing I can’t trust other drivers.
Apart from awful drivers, there’s the idiotic walkers, who would probably be the reason you’d die in a fire because they’re so unbelievably clueless and rude. No one seems to care about anyone else in this place. And it’s kinda sad that I am ranting like this, really reflects how being here has affected me.
But regardless, when people aren’t driving or being a sloth walker, they can be very lovely people (if it doesn’t kill them first).
